Well. What have I done. I’m stood here yet again saying ‘time to get back on it’. Well the truth is I’m not sure I can. I look back 2 years ago I was 6.5st lighter and had just finished my sprint triathlon at Etwall. I was high on feeling good. But what did I do; I had the odd beer, then the odd Kebab, bit of chocolate here and a pack of crisps there.
What did it achieve: nothing. I look down at my body and I feel sad. Sad at what I have done. I can’t run anymore due to pains in my hip. I’m too afraid to go see my orthopaedic specialist. For fear of what they tell me. Every step I take I take with some kind of trepidation, some kind of internal battle against the hate I have built up inside.
Why does this happen? I have a good life. I have a loving wife and family. I have a house, a job, car, good health and great friends. I think it is a self implosion mechanism, I’ve done this time and time again over the years. Next month I am meant to be racing Ironman 70.3 in Venice. I’m not even going to bother showing up.
I look back at photos taken the past few months. I have a beer in hand for most of the occasions or some kind of food. My relationship with food is not good.
Perhaps I need to stop and think why am I doing this? What did I originally set out to achieve. The number 1) target was to lose weight. I did this. But it wasn’t enough. 2) I suppose was to show my children that everything and anything is possible. Not to limit yourself to past failures. This is all I can cling on to.
Well, tomorrow morning at 10am I am going to enter a half Ironman in next summer and I have a friend joining me for the journey. This time my pal Tom is signing up. I also have the support of Hilary, Chris and Yasmin. Really I cannot afford not to fail.
This is genuinely the last roll of the dice. I cannot take the emotional rollercoaster anymore. I will not fail. I have two boys cheering me on every step of the way. This isn’t all glitter and unicorns. Mental health is serious and this is my journey that I am going to win.
Bipolar Ironman 
10 years ago that was me . I found the strength from somewhere to do my 70.3 iron-man. Made enough money to buy a specialist chair for the ward that cared and put my sister back on her feet . My mum died while I was training for it . I did it . You can . Find the smallest motivation and cling onto it . You’ll find the strength. I believe in you as your family does . One more step . That was my mantra .
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Carl you are an inspiration because although you don’t see it this way, you don’t give up, you are still talking of achieving your goal . That is a massive positive, nothing about your goal is easy but you can do this . You have the support of your family and friends, remember that in moments of weakness. Good luck my friend have faith in yourself. 💪🏽👍🏼
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Thanks so much pal – I really appreciate your support x
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