So, the past 2 weeks have gone by in a blur. The past week has been very tough (mentally). I’m not sure why but I have struggled this last week. I was going to miss this latest blog post, but I thought I’d do this post just to show the nature of mental health and it’s ups and downs.
The last week was a real shit show. I missed 4 of 5 planned training sessions. Why, well honestly I didn’t feel like it. The week before was about recovering from my two races. And this week was about getting back ‘on-it’. I even committed to enter a cycle time trial, my first one for seven years!
On the Sunday night before I didn’t sleep well, I kept waking up on an hourly basis. Whether that was Linda moving around, the dog moving in his bed or the toilet. This left me feeling tired on Monday. Monday I worked as normal, but as soon as I finished work (at 6) I fell asleep and missed my swim session. Then again in the middle of the night I was awake again. Tuesday evening I went to the time trial as planned and tried my best.
Truth be told though I was tired before the start of the time trial. I finished in last place and 7.5min slower than I did in 2014. The ride home was tough again. The big downhill at the finish was to be my way home – but uphill this time. As I passed into Quarndon and past Henry Royce’s house a few friends cycled past and said hello. This gave me a second wind. When I got home I was absolutely spent.
The rest of the week continued with a pattern of broken sleep and lethargy. But it was more than just being tired. My mood was dipping really low, so on Thursday I popped some of my emergency pills and I have been taking them over the weekend. I don’t think I will take them tomorrow though.
That’s the thing with Bipolar. One minute life can be great and then the next minute can seem desperately helpless. You can have a room full of friends and loved ones, but still feel on your own. It doesn’t help that Linda has also been off recently.
Also, I’ve been spending money. I’m the last week I have bought 3 pairs of shoes. I think they call it retail therapy. 1 pair of race light shoes, 1 pair cause I liked the colours and 1 pair of triathlon cycling shoes to reduce my T1 time :-). Every cloud and all.
Bipolar Ironman 