The one with the negative start but kick ass ending

So, it’s New Year’s Eve again. The night we traditionally party and enjoy the time with our loved ones. I’m going to be really brief here, but it’s important to understand what life with Bi-Polar is really like. I’ve been sat on my ass bursting into tears over nothing. I have spent the last week feeling sorry for myself and focusing on the negative aspects of my life.

Yesterday started off nicely enough, I dropped Linda off at work then went to the gym and smashed out 1500m of swimming (not bad for saying I couldn’t swim a length a few month ago). I then went home and picked up the dog (Paddy) and drove to Chatsworth house for a walk around the grounds and nearby village of Edensor.

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When I got there they said I needed to pre-book the car park, which I didn’t think about. But as they were not fully booked the kind lady saw the look of disappointment on my face and let me in. I took off on a route I knew and listened to my headphones. In no time I was on my own and enjoying it. Being in the outdoors is really good for the mind. I completed the walk and was a bit hungry as I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. I was going to wait till home. But as I was driving I got the news that we had been put into tier 4. I thought ‘fuck it!’ and pulled into a station with a Subway.

Now, I’m fully aware of this being first world problems. But really all I have been aiming for and been keeping me going (at times) is the booking of my first Ironman 70.3 event in May 21. With my swimming coach we had worked out a plan and to be honest to get me there it is going to be tough, but assuming I trained hard for the next 4 months it is just about doable. With one swipe Boris had just pulled the proverbial rug from under me.

Oh, I also forgot to say I can’t run or cycle either at the minute as I injured my hip to compound the issue. Last weekend climbing out of the pool (I think) I pulled my hip flexor. I have been resting my hip and training with a Pull Buoy.

So, while it may not seem like a big deal – it is to me. I was gutted. Alas though. Not all is failed. I received news that Spring Lakes and Matlock outdoor pool is to remain open. I sent a message to Deano at Huub to see if he does thermal wetsuits – which he does! All of a sudden it looks more positive again.

Fingers crossed that they have a suitable wetsuit in my size in stock. So, there we go. After the drama there is a positive light to hold on to.

I also want to reflect on some of the positive things going on in my life.

1. My grandad has an appointment for his vaccine
2. My dad and grandmother will hopefully get their jab soon
3. I can continue training (injury barring)
4. I have family and friends around me
5. I still have a job
6. Paddy is always up for a walk

In 2020 it’s been a rough year, but despite all this I have changed my life, with the help and support of Linda, Zoe, Chris and training mate Sam! I owe a lot to these guys. I have lost a lot of weight, I have lost over 6 Stone – but put a bit back on over Xmas! This time last year I got out of breath going upstairs and now I’m running half marathons for fun before breakfast. I was XXXL clothes size and 300lbs. Now I’m not and look forward to zwift sessions. I’ve exchanged Craft Beer for Protein Shakes. All this in 12 months. I know I’m going to Smash and Ironman 70.3 in 2021. What else is in the plan???

Thanks go to everyone on my journey who has helped and continues to help. Carl.

I’m no longer crying. This is just the beginning!