The one that Linda wrote

Hi, this is Linda, Carls long suffering wife (Lol). I thought that this week I might gate-crash Carls blog. 

I am completely in awe of Carls achievements to date with his weight loss, his fitness training and his earnest desire to blog it all with the intent to inspire and encourage others. Over the last 9 months I have watched him change into a healthier and better version of himself in more ways than one, its just incredible! I am beyond proud of him.

But I didn’t want to gate crash his blog just to gush about how great he is doing, as you can all see that for yourselves from his updates and photos. I have been reading Carls blog, not all entries I must shamefully admit, but most. As I’m living through this journey with him I feel lucky enough to get to see it with my own eyes and not just get to read about it. However, from what I have read I sometimes notice that Carl often glosses over some of the nitty-gritty, shitty stuff. 

Now I don’t want to sound like a negative ninny or moaning myrtle but Carls blog is call ‘Bipolar Ironman’ for a bloody good reason. Maybe he was being intentionally facetious or flippant in his chosen title or maybe just plainly blunt because of his Aspergers, who knows with Carl sometimes. I like to think he doesn’t write about the negative stuff because he wants to keep himself and his readers positive and inspired. So, some of what I’m about to write may sound bad or unsupportive but I don’t wish this to be the case, but in fact quite the opposite. I want you to know more about what he is achieving despite all of the difficulties and toil of his Bipolar, Aspergers, sleep apnoea and prosthetic hip!

Carl and I have been together for nine years and married for just over five of these. Its been a very interesting journey so far. When I met Carl his humour and outgoingness was infectious and I thought that this was just him, a little off beat but bold and fun! It wasn’t too long into our relationship that I began to realise that Carl isn’t always like this though and behind closed doors and deep within himself there is a much bigger battle to fight. To overcome depressive episodes of Bipolar is no small feat and probably takes much more strength and courage than that needed to shed a few pounds or run a marathon. Carl has always been acutely aware of the ‘dark side’ of his bipolar, he recognises the symptoms and gets the appropriate support from health professionals, family and friends when needed. However, he always has a problem with recognising the manic side of his condition. So, when he announced at that he wanted to do an Ironman, you can guess what I thought…. OMG was an understatement. Over the last nine years I’ve seen and lived through some erratic and spontaneous times with Carl. Others may see them as fads, but I have become to recognise that probably most them are a result of manic episodes of Bipolar. We’ve moved house on a whim (twice, lol), he’s bought more bicycles (and coats come to think of it) than I can count, got obsessed with camping and wild camping, scaling mountains on foot and on bike, remote control car racing, watercolour painting, woodwork and learning piano just to name a few. I’ve often noticed it’s all quite impulsive and more about the stuff and buying the ‘right stuff’ than it is about the doing. Maybe that’s the combination of autism (the endless researching for the ‘right stuff’) and the compulsiveness of the Bipolar, who knows I’m just a witness not an expert psychologist. Anyway, despite my joking to Carl: “all the gear no idea”… he’s kept on with this idea of doing an Ironman.

So, the books have been bought and read, the personal trainer is on-board. The numerous bikes purchased, upgraded and professionally fitted right, obviously. The swimming lessons researched and arranged, the wet suits, trainers and all of the other gear got. A giant ‘shed’ outbuilding is even under construction in the back yard to use as home gym. (I think Covid may have a lot to answer for here). At this point I’ve lost count of the costs, but as long as the mortgage and bills are getting paid I on longer care about the cost.

Carls weight loss has started off with great guns. With the help of Zoe, a food tracker app and me constantly weighing salad leaves, Carl has lost over a massive 6 stone. The weight loss each week has kept him motivated and helped him regain more fitness than I think he ever dared imagine possible. When Carl started the dieting he was allowed much more calories as he was so much bigger at the time, and he was like, ‘great I can eat loads of stuff as long as I count it’. Now it seems to be a bit more difficult as he a lost so much weight his calorie allowance has obviously needed to come down and he has to pay much more attention to what he can eat. Like with anything the novelty and excitement wains after a while, but you need to keep on going and pushing through. There been a few minor blips which Carl has just got on with, but the post sprint- triathlon has been the biggest and hardest blip yet. This is why I’m writing the blog this week. To let you allknow this is not an easy road and Carl needs everyone’s support now more than ever. 

Carl was so hyped up, ready and prepared for his first ever sprint triathlon. The week before Carl was pretty difficult to live with, we were both short tempered and snappy all round. His excitement combined with his nerves made for a difficult and emotional week. But the exhilaration and look on his face when he completed it was amazing, and I’m so proud. This was by far his biggest achievement so far in the journey to ironman, completely overshadowing the 20min run of week 5 run 3 or even completing the couch to 5K app.     

Nothing prepared us for the post sprint triathlon after shockthough. It started with an ‘eat whatever you like’ for the rest of the day after the event. I purposely don’t take Carl food shopping, ever. One, he just hates it so is mardy and impatient and two, he throws all kinds of stuff into the trolly and is a complete nightmare, definitely worse than the kids. But we drove the cycle circuit the night before so he could be prepared and headed in to Tesco on the way home for a few things I needed…… Well, lets just say the binge eating lasted a lot longer than a day. It was almost as if the triathlon was the main event, end goal, and it was all over now so ‘normality’ could resume. Back to the old days, before Christmas when Carl was 22 stone. The following weekend we went on holiday, and so ‘holiday mode’ began…. You can see where this is going.

A short week away in the Lake district, lonely campers on our camp site gave us time to sit and gather ourselves. Carl was determined that even though he knew he was being naughty on the eating front, he was going to stick like glue to the training plan. A few dips in some very cold lakes, long runsand a few walks did him the world of good. The first swim of the holiday was pretty pleasant, even me and Paddy (the dog)tagged along in our inflatable canoe. The second time we stood and watched, I wore like 23 jumpers and 2 coats and he still went in! I’m pretty sure only someone with Bipolar could swim in a freezing cold lake on holiday in late September. I guess maybe the condition helps if your determined to do an ironman. So, our next mini goal was to getting back home to return to our ‘new normal’, healthy eating and back to the training plan was the aim and job done, he’s back on it!

Please all remember the man behind the ‘ironman in training’. However inspirational Carl seems, he is not superhuman. He is a husband, a dad, a son, a hard worker and someone who is trying his very best to achieve a dream, be healthy and a role model to his boys. He is a man who daily fights many invisible disabilities that we often forget about or choose not to see. 

Carl, I love you xx