Well I don’t want to start this blog off with a negative, but sigh. Its been a tough week. I still don’t know what has happened to make me do this. I have carried on training like a ‘proper’ athlete, but have been backing this up with repeated over eating. This crescendo’d with a huge binge this weekend. Now it is fair to say that my coach Zoe wasn’t happy – I had the feeling of a kid who had let down his parent. But if I am going to break this cycle then something has to give.
Lets look at what I have going off;
- I have a family who needs me
- I have a demanding job
- I am training for a big event and have the pressure that that brings
- I am learning to swim in preparation for a sea swim event
- I have started back at University and have an assignment deadline next week
- I am a trustee of a charity and have demands from that
- I do a Bi-weekly internet TV show on Mental Health issues
- I have 3 more stone to lose
- Oh yeah, Covid-19!
Looking at all this, is it any wonder I keep having a wobble. But something needs to change. I don’t know what yet – but I owe it to myself to figure this out. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet but acknowledging there is a problem is the first step in the process. I need to figure out what is ‘REALLY’ important to mine and the lives of those that I care about. Or is this all part of the wobble I’ve been experiencing.
So what does emotional eating mean to me. It a self-destructive mode that I go into where I just eat anything I fancy in short periods of time. Take last weekend, I had chocolate, Chinese, a few gins and a beer all in one evening. This isn’t the prescribed diet of an Iron Man! I feel so angry with myself and feel like I’m letting others, including Linda down. I’ve really gone ‘all-in’ on this and risk throwing away the good work I’ve put in, for what – some sugar? Is it really worth it. Do I not remember what it felt like to be 22 stone and getting out of breath tying my shoelaces!
The biggest shock to me, and possibly what I think has brought it all home to me was my coach saying that if this carries on I will not be able to train for the Venice 70.3 Ironman! That really made me think. What do you really want Carl – and how hard are you REALLY prepared to work for your goals? Well, are you??………
Bipolar Ironman 